NRE (new relationship energy) is a term I didn't know until I started frequenting polyamorous communities online. In a simple form, NRE is what I've most commonly heard as the Honeymoon Phase. The beginning part of a budding relationship where emotions are high. I won't talk much more about what NRE is, you will probably gain an understanding as you read through my experience with it. So without further ado, let's muse around NRE!
NRE isn't something new to me, I have experienced it many times. Not just limited to romantic interests/relationships either. For this post though I will be focusing on my recent experience with NRE. It is important to recognise that NRE is not unique to polyamorous relationships. Many people experience intense feelings of infatuation and excitement at the beginning of a new relationship, regardless of whether they are monogamous or polyamorous. However, in polyamorous relationships, NRE can be a bit more complex because it often involves navigating multiple relationships and balancing the needs and emotions of multiple partners.
One of the challenges of NRE in polyamorous relationships is that it can create a power dynamic where one partner may feel neglected or left out as their partner becomes more focused on a new relationship. This is something that has come up with M and I, as at times I can become absorbed in the NRE ~feelings~. I have navigated this by trying to be more mindful of my actions, while still acting in a way that feels right for me. I don't try to stop the NRE and the associated feelings, I just need to be more mindful that I'm not neglecting M and our relationship. This is why healthy communication is so important.
Navigating NRE in polyamorous relationships relies on communicating openly and honestly with all partners involved. This means being transparent about your feelings and needs, as well as actively listening to the feelings and needs of your partners. Establishing boundaries and expectations early on in the relationship to ensure that everyone is on the same page is also quite handy. Sometimes these boundaries and expectations are established when something occurs that makes you realise it is something you need, rather than early on.
Being mindful of how your actions and words may impact your partners. For example, it can be tempting to spend all your time with a new partner during the NRE phase, but this can be hurtful to other partners who may feel neglected. This is something I'm guilty of, especially when I'm messaging on my phone a lot to D. Balancing my time and attention isn't something I had to do regularly, at least not in regards to relationships. Now I try to have times when I leave my phone alone during certain activities, like dates or when we are watching certain TV shows, or if we just want some time without our phones. Since I live with M, I see him a whole lot, but we don't have a lot of dedicated time for just us two. This is something we are working on, and hopefully will be implementing something we can do regularly together. Such as date nights. While we do spend a lot of our evenings together, they are pretty routine.
Making sure everyone feels valued and appreciated is important when navigating this. I do this a lot through words of affirmations and gift giving, and when possible quality time. However, each relationship is different so what makes M feel valued and appreciated isn't necessarily the same as what makes D feel that way. Again, this is where communication is important. If there is something more I could do or something I could change/improve, it is good to have it out in the open rather than bottling it up. I always try to make my thoughts and feelings clear. Usually in the form of long messages outlining my feelings. Joys of being neurodivergent 😂.
It is also important to note that NRE can cause fears and insecurities to come out more often. As someone with anxiety, this can get pretty frustrating. Especially with being in a LDR (long-distance relationship). This has been more evident this week, which I will probably discuss in my Grotto Gazette on Sunday. It has been a while since certain insecurities have come to light, but I do have some coping mechanisms. However, they don't always work. At those times I have to just ride the wave and hope it passes soon. If it gets too much I usually discuss things with someone. Normally the person my brain is targeting. It helps to separate myself from my negative thoughts; I do this by referring to my brain as a secondary element of myself.
After events of this week, and dealing with issues, myself and D came to an agreement to close up our side of things. Meaning for the moment we aren't looking to date, be with anyone else, and refrain from things of that nature. This doesn't affect M as he is not involved in my and D's relationship. It just changes things for me and D. We both agreed to certain terms that will be in place until we both feel safe, secure and settled with each other. By doing this it should help with our anxieties and managing NRE, while also being able to fully enjoy our NRE and the building of our future.
However, even after our agreement discussion, I ended up having to discuss my thoughts/feelings more with D, since they were getting overwhelming and my brain was adamant on being mean to me. At that moment I wished I could have been held by D, but given the distance, we will have to have extra cuddles in a couple of weeks!
NRE isn't a permanent state of being, eventually, it transitions into ERE (established relationship energy). Which is where all parties are feeling safe, secure, and comfortable in their relationship. This usually comes from being in a long-standing relationship with someone. For example, M and I would fall into the ERE category since we have been together for a few years and are pretty secure together. Whereas me and D are still in the NRE stage as we have only been officially together for a couple of months. However, I still feel aspects of NRE with M. Such as wanting to spend all, or a lot of, my time with him and being infatuated with him. Personally, I feel like NRE doesn't fully leave me. Which makes it a tad more difficult to navigate.
So, this has been NRE and me. I don't think there is anything else for me to say at this point. Feel free to ask me any questions though!
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