The end of the year has dawned on us, 2024 is literally around the corner. I don't know about you, but this year has seemed to both go slow and fast 😅.Â
As the last post of the year, I will be reflecting on a few areas. However, first I will look back on last year's "year in review" and see how things have changed or lived up to what I wrote. So without further ado, let's begin!Â
2022 Year In Review;
Read last year's review here;
Last year consisted of ups and downs, with some downs revolving around my university life. This year also had a fair few down moments, but that is to be expected. It can't always be sunshine and rainbows.Â
I mentioned in last year's review that I didn't have a plan for when I finished university. Now that I have actually completed and left university, this is still somewhat the case. While I may not be going into a career that uses my degree, it will come in handy for my other aspirations. After the issues that occurred with the ethics for my dissertation, it all went quite smoothly. Looking back I'm glad I persevered and didn't let it get the best of me.Â
My personal life has changed a fair bit since last year. I am still working on myself, and curating the type of life I want to live. However that may look. I won't discuss things in detail just yet, as for now we are looking back on last year's thoughts. 2022 me had struggles with setting boundaries, putting myself first, and people-pleasing, among other things. Some of these are still an issue, but ones I am working on. Looking back I can see I have grown at least a little bit. Life is a journey, there will always be things to improve on and sometimes setbacks happen. That's perfectly normal and I am trying not to beat myself up when I inevitably do make mistakes.Â
It seems I only discussed two main areas of my life in 2022. University and my personal life. This year's review is going to be longer, and a bit more in-depth! Now it is time to move on to reflecting on this year.Â
Personal Growth and Achievements:
Throughout this year I had to advocate for myself and put myself first in some situations, while trying to implement coping skills I had discovered. However, sometimes it is hard to remember which coping skills would be useful during the times I need them.
During the first half of the year, I had some down moments. One of which occurred when I had to let a friendship die and walk away. Removing myself from an unhealthy situation was the best move, however hard it was to advocate for myself. The friendship had brought me more issues and struggles than I believe a friendship should. I had given them a lot of leeway, coming from the fact I understood why they acted the way they did. Eventually, I couldn't handle the way they made me feel, so I explained to them my reasoning for walking away and left it at that. While I enjoyed our friendship for the most part, I couldn't take the emotional toll. Unfortunately, this friendship left me with some issues that I am still trying to work through. A work in progress so to speak. I hope they can achieve the kind of life they want, I wish them no ill will.Â
In April I finished my university degree. Something I thought I would never achieve. So, that in itself is a big achievement for me. My degree will help me with my writing, my blog, my discord, and hopefully helping others (once my cosy corner goes live ~spoiler~ ðŸ¤).Â
During this last half of the year, there have been moments of drama. People trying to interfere and come between D and myself, thankfully these were handled by D as they were more so people he knew. While it brought up old wounds for me, it gave me the opportunity to work on my communication skills. Advocating for what I wanted/needed, and removing myself from situations that would cause me distress. I have found my preferred method of communicating feelings is in writing. Thankfully, D and M are both okay with this way of communicating. I have come to the conclusion that I want a drama-free, and stress-free, life. So, when something starts to impact on that I have to evaluate my best steps forward. I refuse to have people in my life that will cause unnecessary issues. This is a step in the right direction for curating the type of life I want to lead and ensuring the type of people I want to associate with are safe people for me.Â
In October I attended my graduation. M, D, and some of my family were present. My mum also graduated on the same day as me. It was nice to share this experience with her, although it didn't go as I imagined. It didn't feel all that special for me. I am proud that I graduated though.Â
Throughout this year I have been trying to work on feeling my feelings, after learning the way I cope with my feelings is not the ideal way. This is easier said than done, although I think I have been making a little progress. Sometimes it is hard to identify my emotions, which makes dealing with them all that more difficult. Ideally, I would have a therapist, or someone similar, to help me through things like this, among other things. For now though, I have to make do with self-help materials.
Professional Highlights:
For this section, I will be focusing on my blog and writing achievements.Â
My blog has been going okay, I know I have one regular reader (outside of M and D), but other than that I'm not entirely sure how well it's doing. It's hard to believe I have been doing this for a little over a year now. I am proud of it even if not many people are interested.Â
There was one point during this year when I contemplated ending my blog. Given people were using it to try to cause issues, and keep tabs on people. This was a cause for concern as I was worried it would start interfering with my personal life, especially as some people went out of their way to find my social media. I also didn't want it to start affecting M or D. Thankfully I decided to carry on with it, after discussing it with M and D. If it starts to cause issues again I may need to re-evaluate.
Earlier this year I edited and re-published my Prompted Stories collection, while also making it available as a paperback. This month I also decided to put together a collection of all the erotica I had written in the past couple of years. Which I then also self-published on Amazon, available only as an ebook though. Sadly, neither book has had any sales. I expect that though since I'm not well known and not very good at putting myself out there 😅.Â
My Discord is still around, although it isn't very active. I am working on growing my community but it is a slow process. Not being able to promote myself, or put myself out there, is another downfall in this area.Â
Highlights:
In April me and M celebrated our 5th wedding anniversary, hard to believe it's been 5 years since we got married 😅. In April I also finished university, however my graduation wasn't until October.Â
In May I met D in real life for the first time. That was nerve-wracking but worth it. After being online friends, and crushes, for over a year it was an exciting time to meet each other. We took a trip to the beach at that time, since the hotel he was staying in was right near the beach. We visited one of my favourite arcades, where we also shared our first kiss 💜.Â
In June D came back up to visit for a little bit. This time we went on our first proper date, and he asked me to be his girlfriend/partner ðŸ¤. That was an exciting time for both of us too.Â
October brought around my graduation, a busy day for all of us, one that got a bit overwhelming for me. I'm glad I attended my graduation, although I did feel it was a bit pointless 😅. M, D, and I also visited our first Pride event in October. That was fun, I got a couple of treats that day too.Â
That brings us to this month. With the main highlights being V's 7th birthday, M's 38th birthday, Christmas, and Mine and D's 6th month anniversary. Although Christmas, M's birthday, and mine and D's anniversary haven't happened yet. I will probably cover them on the 31st with a Grotto Gazette.
Lessons Learned and Looking Forward:
Throughout this year I have tried to work on not letting other people's behaviour and opinions weigh on me that much. This is easier said than done though, and unfortunately, it has been something I haven't managed to do well. Sometimes people's words linger on my mind much longer than they should.Â
I have learned that I value quality time with M and D. Although when D is down at his parents we get very little quality time together. Thankfully, with him moving in the new year, we will be able to spend time together much more easily.Â
I have dealt with difficult feelings throughout the year. Including but not limited to; anxiety, feelings of worthlessness, fear of abandonment, depression, envy, feelings of my relationships being threatened, and more. Some were caused by my own trauma and mental health issues, and others were caused by other people's behaviour towards me. I have tried my best to communicate when I've been having down moments, but this has been hard for me. Especially when I don't always know how I'm feeling properly.Â
I have learned that I don't appreciate people trying to cause drama in my, or my loved ones, lives. It reminds me of how people used to act back in school, which is something I would like to leave behind.Â
Going forward I would like to work on these issues, possibly with the help of those around me. I would also like to meet and get to know more of D's friends and family. Since sometimes it feels like I'm not all that involved in his life, with lingering feelings of being on the sidelines. Plus, it would be nice to expand my social circle and meet those that are important to him.Â
My goals and aspirations for the year ahead are similar to what they have been this year;
Carry on writing, and moving forward with my blog/books/my discord.Â
Get to know D's family and friends.Â
Be more social (whether online or in real life).
Get into a habit of writing daily.Â
Conclusion:
2023 has brought challenges and special times, along with opportunities to learn and grow. I am grateful for all the progress I've made, and the people I've met along the way. I'm even grateful for the people who have taught me what I do not want out of life.Â
I hope 2024 brings more happiness and joy than downtimes for us all. May the rest of 2023 treat you well. Thank you for joining me on my reflection of 2023. 👋💜.Â
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