It's that time of week again! As well as that it's only 2 weeks until June 😯. This year is going by a bit fast 😅. Let's not skip forward though, for now, let's focus on this past week.
It has featured a few ups and downs this time. At the times when I'm feeling low I'm glad I have a husband, and a fiancé, who will support me endlessly 🥺. Even if I don't make it easy for them 🤣.
Most things have been pretty normal this week. M has been working, D and I have been home, and V has been at school. Sadly this week I haven't managed to make any progress on my game. Which somewhat brings me to my fluctuating feelings this week.
Some of my low moments have been based around my writing, my blog, my game, and my Discord. Ranging from wondering what the point is, to feeling like I suck at anything I do 😅. While I enjoy writing, I don't know that a blog format is for me. I enjoy my weekly update posts, but everything else I try to write here seems like a struggle and less enjoyable.
As for my fictional, story writing, I have found that I am enjoying using that alongside my coding and game making. I find it much more enjoyable that way. Coding and game-making are something I definitely want to carry on with.
Then that brings me to my Discord. A place where I can be social, and build a community, but I struggle to be social and get people to join and stay on my server. I suck at promoting myself or selling myself, so it's a constant battle to build my server. However, my Discord isn't something I want to give up. I like my little space I've created.
Given all of those struggles, I'm unsure where to go from here. Should I only post my weekly updates, and start writing out game progress reports? How do I go about raising my confidence and building my community? I feel like I'm not outgoing, outspoken, or social enough to do this.
Which brings me to my personal low points this week. Throughout the week my anxiety, my insecurities, and my self-esteem/confidence issues all arose. All things I've dealt with before but that doesn't take the sting out of them.
My brain likes to twist things, likes to make me think and assume the worst, it likes to tell me I'm the problem, that I just make everything harder. It makes it seem like my world is on the brink of collapse. Constantly waiting to find out all my fears are true. It gets ever so tiresome.
I suspect my anxiety is looming due to D going away soon for nearly a month. Adding to the mix of already present worries and fears.
It is times like these I wish I could access the therapy I need, and have tried to get so many times before. All in all, I just don't know where I want to go from here.
I think that's enough of me babbling on now. My upcoming week should be fairly standard again, nothing is on the agenda as of yet.
Thanks for delving into this week's edition of the Grotto Gazette with me. Until next time, stay curious!
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